I go through phases of praying to Father to take away the fear in the OCD. He hasn't. I don't know why. I still believe he is good. As I was praying today I felt what I've had before: a sense that I need to live with this wretched problem. Because as I learn to be content with having it, it will no longer be a problem.
The thing is, half, if not most of the battle is in coming to accept that the thoughts are just thoughts. They can harm no-one but yourself. Yet the feelings associated with the thoughts are very real. Painful.
What I need is a vision. A kingdom vision. I've tried this before. I find it hard. I'm not very good at being focused. If I could somehow set my mind on being the Light of the World to which Jesus called Israel back to, then maybe I will start to enter the healing of OCD. I don't know how I'm going to hold on to vision. Perhaps I'll get my best mate alongside to help out.
The vision is to seek God's kingdom values in the day to day moments in life.
That my conversations and encounters with people would be seasoned with kindness and gentleness.
That I would pray for the people who wind me up.
That somehow, I would come out of the mental arguments I have about hurting people and realise how wonderfully created they are.
Father, grant me vision.
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